My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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