I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
