I got chris browned last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
