The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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