Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
