when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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