i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
