i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
