dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
