I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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