Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
