I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
