You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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