Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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