All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
