I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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