hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize