Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
