I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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