I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize