You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
