Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
