Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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