i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
