Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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