At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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