he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We left an ass print on the piano.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
