How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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