Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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