don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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