He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
