It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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