I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
