Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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