College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
