Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
