I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
