I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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