all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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