does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
