As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
