she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize