Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
