I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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