well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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