just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
