i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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