My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
