Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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