So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
