I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
