one two three fourrrrnication!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
