her vagine was all disorganized.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
