I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
