he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
