We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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