my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
