I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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