btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
