I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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