At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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