life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
