Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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