I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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