If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
