i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
