2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
