I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Alive.
So much puke
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
