You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize