I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
