I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
